Tuesday, 31 March 2015

Currently: March 31st. It's not my period.



March was a weird one. I was suddenly so tired. I mean SO SO SO tired. Still am. It started a couple weeks ago. And I couldn't shake it. I was literally falling asleep on the bus (THREE TIMES in one week), I was going to bed at 7pm, and it was seriously affecting my work and home lives. I was getting dumber and couldn't focus. All I wanted to do was just ... rest my eyes ... for a minute zzzzzzzzzzz

Nothing would help. I'd chug 3 cups of coffee and then just ... lie ... down .. for a minzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I thought maybe it was because I changed anti-anxiety meds. So of course I Googled it, like any idiot would do. And once I got past the "you definitely have cancer" information, I came across a list of symptoms that made me think there was something wrong with my liver.

The list matched all my weird abdominal pains, plus being tired, plus the fact that I don't like drinking alcohol any more. Anyway I went to the walk in clinic the next day and had blood taken and tested. My liver is fine, thank you very much. But I'm anemic.

Ah.

That makes sense.

The clinic doctor who gave me the diagnosis, without looking at my past history or anything, said it was probably because of my period. He asked if it's especially heavy and I said "no, not really" and he totally wasn't listening and said "yeah this happens quite often with women of your age, heavy periods cause anemia" and I was like "ok whatever it's not my period" and he was like dreaming about going golfing or something so I said thanks and left.

So I was prescribed these special extra iron ... prenatal vitamins.

Yup.

I got home from the doctor, Ryan was at work, and told the kid about the vitamins. He came up with this ultra hilarious joke to show the vitamins to Ryan and scare the shit out of him, basically.

I pretended that was a hilarious idea, then secretly warned Ryan via text, because that kind of joke is not funny to us. He played along.


---

So since I am anemic I became certain I am bleeding internally and probably most definitely still dying of something terrible. (Thanks, anxiety.) Luckily I had an appointment with a GI specialist booked from 8 months ago that fell yesterday morning.

The guy asked me ten billion questions, did a quick feel of my tummy and then said he was almost 100% certain it's nothing serious. (YAY) and gave me a new diet to try and all these requisition forms for tests for H Pylori, lactose intolerance, celiac disease, all kinds of stuff. So yeah, wouldn't it be great if I was just lactose intolerant this whole time or something easy like that?

Anyway long story short, it's probably my period.
 

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So lately I've been


Eating: non-spicy food, boring food, and then once in a while I go crazy and buy a bag of potato chips and regret it later but I don't even care as I'm eating the salty goodness. Bananas are my new friend. And other boring things.

Making: so many drawings. I'm branching out from the Simpsons and did a Bob's Burgers one and a Beavis and Butthead. Good times.

Listening to: nothing new. I'm stuck in a music rut a little bit.

Wearing: Since I work at the bookstore 4-5 days a week it's been a lot of nondescript clothing. Like, plain pants, plain t-shirt, cardigan.

Planning: I'm starting to get my finances together a little bit. Planning a budget. Having grown up rather poor and then suddenly rich as a teenager (my mom married a very well-off man when I was 13) I never really learned what to do with money. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around it, and it's difficult!

Working on: A drawing of Mr. Burns and Smithers with weird long necks and arms that is all in pinks and purples. I'm using the neon pink sharpie waaay too often lately. It's just such a striking color.



Reading: I'm reading Looking for Alaska by John Green rigIht now. I like it, but I don't know. Maybe because of my period because I've been so ooooo oooo tired lately, I haven't been able to focus on a book.

Watching: Better Call Saul. It's great. Um ... other things too, but I can't think of them. Walking Dead. zzzzzzzzzzzz oh sorry I fell asleep trying to think of more shows.

Loving: My dumb old dog. The idiot just head butted me in the arm while I was holding a full cup of coffee, but he did it out of love so I'm not mad. I actually burst out laughing because it was so stupid.

Waiting for: This weekend! It's a long one and I'm so excited to have a few days off. We get Friday AND Monday off for Easter at the college. YES. YEEESSSSSS.


What are you up to?

Friday, 27 March 2015

purple



Yesterday was Epilepsy Awareness day.

As you all probably know and have heard a billion times on here, my little brother died in 2013 from SUDEP - Sudden Unexpected Death of a person with epilepsy. It's a condition I had never ever heard of until he was ripped from us in the worst night of all of our lives.

I write this because I don't know what you all think epilepsy is. I was ignorant until our Jaden started having seizures. They are scary. I mean really fucking scary. I didn't see many as I hadn't lived with him since he was a little guy but I heard about them. My mom saw them constantly, she helped him through probably hundreds of them.

Ryan works with a woman at a group home who has them frequently, his instructions are something like "if she's still seizing after ten minutes call 911". Holy fuck. Sometimes she stops breathing. Imagine your job consisting of stuff like this?

Anyway epilepsy isn't funny. It is more common than you think. It is so scary to those around the person with epilepsy and can be absolutely debilitating and terrifying to the person who has the seizures.

It's horrible. Scary. Awful. All the bad sounding adjectives.


---

I was on my way to work yesterday, and at my second bus stop I saw there was a table set up with purple balloons and cookies and donation bins. An epilepsy awareness stand.

I went over. I couldn't not. Seriously I was drawn over there. I didn't have much to give so I put like a handful of dimes and nickels in the thing, and said "I lost my brother to epilepsy, I wish I could give more" because my hands were shaking and I was kind of frantically dumping change in the box. I asked if I could have one of the rubber awareness bracelet things they were giving out and they said of course and gave me a purple pen and a purple keychain as well.

I said "Thank you for doing this" and promptly burst into tears. Like full on sobbing out of nowhere.

I was SO embarrassed and felt so bad for these girls. I probably weirded them right out. I said sorry and hustled away from them with my face in my sleeves, frantically wiping away tears and doing deep breathing exercises to try and stop looking like a crazy crying person at the bus stop.


I ended up texting my sister about it and she made me feel better, she gets it. 

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My family and a lot of people I know wore the color purple yesterday. Some of them posted pictures on various social media, unfortunately some dork turned it into a gay joke when my dad posted himself wearing a purple shirt. Hurr durr u r gay because purple on a man.


Come on, seriously. Grow the fuck up.

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I just had a really dumb and sad moment where I was looking for photos of Jaden to post just now. I thought "I wish there were newer photos of him online that I could use."

That's the strangest thing when you lose somebody, your brain never seems to fully understand how gone they truly are and then you have to remind yourself. No, brain, there will not be newer photos of Jaden on Facebook. And it's like the news hits you again, like you're surprised about it for a second.


---

So in conclusion:


Maybe if you have extra money that you devote to charity or education you can give it to the SUDEP Institute.

Maybe if you hear somebody joking about epilepsy you can tell them about Jaden and others like him. 

Maybe next year on Epilepsy Awareness day you can wear a purple shirt. Even if you're a man and it's sooooo gayyyyy.




realizing your age

You know you're getting older when your little sister picks out bridesmaid dresses and you have to tell her you can't do strapless because your boobs won't work in it.

Oh yeah, also your little sister is getting freaking married. That's a pretty big deal. ALSO your little brother is engaged too. You're double old if two of your younger siblings are getting married soon.

I bought a cardigan yesterday with the college's logo on it. Old.

I ate a bran muffin with no raisins for breakfast just now. Old.

I had a nap yesterday afternoon. Old.

I might have an ulcer or some other stomach problem and I take prescription antacids every day. Old. 


I've been so conscious lately, maybe because we've got a nearly-teenager in the house, of becoming one of those not cool older people who think they're cool but they're really just stuck in the time they were a teenager.

Maybe I should try and like hip hop or whatever the youths are listening to these days. Is metal "old person" music now? I want to say hell no, but maybe it is. The new edgy is rapping about weed and being awesome, not screaming about death.

A couple weeks ago Ryan and I went to pick up the kid from football practice. We kept our distance as they were finishing up their drills, and he walked over to us when he was ready to go. We headed toward the car and one of the kid's friends caught up to us. Ryan rushed ahead but I said hi to the friend and kept pace with them. To me, I was welcoming the kid to our group, but Ryan whispered NOVA! And waved me over to him. I jogged over and he told me to stop embarrassing the kid and give him some space.

It only then hit me, I am not "cool" to be seen with. I am embarrassing in a parent sort of way when we are out in public.



So yeah. I'm like, an old lady now. Deal with it.


Saturday, 21 March 2015

It's Michaels'z fault - random artsy thoughts




I am running out of room in my mixed media book where I've been drawing my Simpsons things, so last night at 8pm I went out to Michaels to get another one. They're like 20 bucks, but from all the use I've been getting from it, totally worth it. 

Well I came home an hour later, I was literally there until they closed, arms loaded with two different sizes of books, metallic markers, more neon Sharpies, some white markers (yes, WHITE), some glitter markers (lol) and two different packs of colored cardstock.

I cannot be trusted in Michaels. I will always find things I don't need but REALLY WANT. And I can always justify the extra um, eighty fucking dollars. Dude. It's Michaels' fault. They know how to market to crafty people too well. 

But so I was thinking of doing little mini drawings on the cardstock, maybe in WHITE OR GOLD OR SPARKLES or all of the above, who knows. 

I also tried out watercolors in earnest for the first time on Thursday night. I always talk myself out of painting because I tell myself the set up and the clean up is too much work. But it was literally the same as getting out all my markers, except I had to get a bit of water from the tap as well. 

This is how far I got. I think Bart needs a lot more work but not bad for my first time playing with watercolors, considering I have no idea what I'm doing. 

 
I actually really like the look of this before I started adding details, I think I want to try another one that's very minimalistic like this next. 



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I've been taking myself out on early morning dates to the coffee shop. Yesterday I brought my drawing stuff and ended up working for hours, listening to a new podcast I really like called You Made It Weird. It's another Nerdist podcast of comedians talking to each other basically, but it's great. I've listened to six episodes in two days.

Anyway I only ended up leaving because a huge table of retirees pulled up beside me and kept bumping me with their chairs and laughing like they were at a frat party, they disturbed my calm oasis. 


So I went home and finished the entire thing. It took me HOURS but it felt like no time had gone by at all, it's like a productive meditation, drawing and coloring these things. 


I got super angry when I started coloring in the flowers, because that really dark color I thought would be less black and more purple but it's VERY black. I thought I ruined the entire thing, but it ended up being okay in the end. And I'm quite proud of that banner, it might be the best banner I've ever done. I also think, even though Homer's body and arms might be a bit too long and narrow I still nailed the facial expression and the general body position. All in all, I'm proud of this one.


Wednesday, 18 March 2015

well that was short lived

So here's the thing: I spoke with a copyright advisor about selling my Simpsons drawings and she said that under Canadian copyright law it's fine, especially because I've added my own flair to the drawings. She was absolutely certain about that. So yeah, I did my homework.

I have no idea what American copyright law says, but RedBubble is American and they took down all of my Simpsons stuff, except weirdly the two Kang/Kodos ones.

So I guess for now that's all that you can get. I'm not mad, I get it, they don't want to take any chances, but RedBubble is no longer a place for me.  I'll try and find another home for my stuff, maybe a more local one. Any suggestions?