Sunday, 27 October 2013

MAAKE SOME NOOOOOOOOIIIIIIISE


 Photo title: "making my mandatory attendance requirement". I am Canadian, after all. 
Contrary to how this photo looks there was over four thousand people there. 

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After work yesterday Ryan and the kids picked me up and took me out to a hockey game. I'm really not a sportsy kinda lady. Nor am I a crowdsy kinda lady, especially when I left the house at 7 that morning and was surrounded by people the entire day. But he called and said he had a free extra ticket for me and asked if I wanted to go, and I was like "oh what the heck". 

I actually don't mind hockey games. If I had to choose a sport to get into it would be hockey. I *almost* understand what's going on for the most part. There are a few things I'm like "Wait, but ... why ...??" One of those is "offside". It has been explained to me a hundred times but I still don't get what offside is. I think it's because I always ask during a game and whoever tries to explain it is simultaneously rushing through talking to me while keeping one eye on Don Cherry's suit.

And I also don't get why a bunch of guys would suddenly come off the bench and the other guys went back. Like sometimes it would be one minute into the period and they'd all switch? I don't know. It's not like they all got tired at the same time. I thought that's why they went back to the bench? Is it even called a bench? The box? Ugh my lack of hockey vernacular is astounding.

Hockey is a tough one for me. The last few "live" games I've watched were my brother playing at Christmastime last year, the last time I saw him before he died. I had a moment where I thought to myself "Wow, if he keeps playing as well as he does he could be at this level someday." I picked a guy out and pretended for a second I was watching Jaden play. But reality crashed down harshly on that dream when I remembered ... he won't ever ... you know. He had so much potential, that kid.

Anyway my point of writing all this was not to wax poetic on what might have been, but to criticize the hockey arena DJ. Well the entire ambiance, actually. The hockey game is cool, don't get me wrong but the rest of it was a bit much. 

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 *whistle blows, they get ready for a faceoff*
MAKE SOME NOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIISE nntss nntss nntss nntsss EVERYBODY SCRRREEEEEAAAM
*hilarious dentist commercial on the Jumbotron featuring hockey players missing their teeth*
nntss nntss nntss nntss nntss (generic dance music)
*Jumbotron shows mascot wearing goggles for some reason*
 *dead silence when the game starts back up*
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*whistle blows because of something I couldn't see*
EVERYBODY SCREAAAAAMMMM nntss nntss nntss nntsss
*A ten foot blimp flies over the crowd, which apparently will sometimes drop Tim Hortons gift cards out of it*
nntss nntss nntss nntss
*T Shirt cannon*
nntss nntss nntss nntss
*Kiss Cam comes on the jumbotron*
*I watch Kiss Cam, terrified it'll show me sitting alone while the boys are in the bathroom. Plan a fake make-out pantomime with my hand just in case.*
nntss nntss nnts...
*dead silence when the game comes back on*
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*whistle blows, game pauses for whatever reason*
*TWO SECONDS OF MARILYN MANSON'S BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE*
NNTSS NNTSS NNTSS NNTSS MAKE SOME NOOOOISSSSE
*THE FIRST FIVE SECONDS OF EVERYBODY DANCE NOW PLAYS*
*Jumbotron Fan Cam shows kids dancing. I am terrified it will show me, fake a smile and stare at the screen, ready to wave.*
nntss nntss nntss nntss nnts...
*dead silence when game starts back up*
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*whistle blows, penalty called for roughing*
*FOUR SECONDS OF SHARP DRESSED MAN BY ZZ TOP*
*Jumbotron shows mascot wearing fake beard, nodding along to the music and pointing*
nntss nntss nntss nntss LETS GO ROYALS clap clap clapclapclap
LETS GO ROYALS clap clap clapclapclap
LETS GO ROYALS cl ap clapclap clap clap
LETS GO ROYALS c l ap clapclapclapclap clapclap woo clap clap clap (turns into general applause)*
MAKE SOME NOOOIIIIIIIIIIIISE 
*Jumbotron shows a pizza delivery man running into the stadium, random announcer says someone in section 24 is getting free pizza, pizza man runs in, crowd goes crazier than it did for any part of the game*
*game starts up, people are still cheering about the pizza*
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*whistle blows, face off*
nntss nntss nntss nntsss EVERYBODY SCREEEAAAAMMMM! MAKE SOME NOOOOIIIISE
*Stranger's kid beside me waves his free inflatable TD BANK noisemakers, trying to get on TV. Hits me in the face for the third time.*
*THE GOOD OLD HOCKEY GAME starts playing, crowd sings along vehemently*
*song cuts off suddenly when the game starts back up*
*crowd keeps singing*
*DJ panics, puts song back on*
*DJ panics again, cuts song back off*

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But it was also an awesome game to watch. I got to see everything. There was a few fights, even a full-on throw the gloves down fight which I've never seen before in real life. The puck shot into the crowd twice. It was a really close game and the end of the third period they were tied 1-1 and went into overtime, and then a shootout.

We lost which was a weird thing, because the other team was skating out on the ice hugging each other and all excited and the crowd didn't even acknowledge that anything happened. Of course they didn't cheer, that would be weird, but it was just like, they scored the winning goal and everyone just looked at their watches and were like "Well, it's getting late." And just walked out to the parking lot. Is that what it's always like?


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*Few things stress me out more than a crowd of people clapping out of time. I cringe at every concert I ever go to where the guitar player stops playing, holds his hands up and does the over-exaggerated "clap along with us" thing while his guitar hangs over his shoulder, because I know it'll start out good for like three beats and then some idiots can't control their inner metronomes and just start going wild, then for some reason everyone gets clapping faster and faster and faster until it's just regular applause and cheering somehow. It's awful. It almost gives me a panic attack when the rhythm starts degrading. It's like when your windshield wipers don't *quite* match up to the song on the radio.

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