Wednesday, 19 March 2014

Three blog posts in a day? What am I DOING?



Hey man, it's my blog, I'll post a thousand times if I want to. I like how that self portrait turned out, can't wait for shorts and bikini weather this year to show off my sick tats. ha

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Last night I was adding some paint to a thing I've been working on and eating a tupperware bowl's worth of dill-sour cream potato chips (I know, I'm classy as fuck.) when suddenly PAIN PAIN PAIN in my chest/side/back.

I felt like I was having a running cramp every time I breathed in, also like my muscles were burning, also like my insides were cramping, also like sharp stabs and horrible ... I don't know. Bad bad feelings up in my side guts.

Of course my first thought was chest pain = heart attack. I was home alone, and I don't have a car so my options at that moment were wait it out for a bit and see what happens or call 911 basically. And I don't want to be a bother, you know. haha I don't know. It didn't feel BAAAD bad heart attack bad, just pretty fucking terrible. Or I was trying to rationalize it. I checked on my heart rate and it seemed normal and I wasn't having trouble breathing so it probably wasn't my lungs, and I wasn't sweating or clammy or feverish or vomiting. Just HURTING A LOT in waves.

So Ryan got home soon after it began, and I told him I was having pains but I didn't want to go to the hospital unless it got worse or stayed like that for a long time. He said okay and made some fajitas that smelled fucking delicious while I sat on the edge of the couch with my hands on my knees breathing shallowly and steadily and kind of zoning out. Gradually the pain subsided and although I felt a lot of discomfort when I got up and walked around, as long as I sat in a sort of bent over position I was okay.

We watched the final two episodes of True Detective and halfway through the second episode I felt like I should try eating something. So I had a fajita. HUGE MISTAKE

We had to pause the show while I went through it all again. HORRIBLE pain, considering going to the emergency room, talking myself out of it, Googling and self-diagnosing (haha, we came up with peptic ulcer, gall stones or indigestion because it happened around when I was eating) and back down to feeling manageable. This all happened over about two hours each time mind you, it wasn't as quick as I'm making it out to be.

Anyway at the end of the night I took some Tums hoping it was just some kind of crazy indigestion and it seemed to help. It felt more like when you have terrible gas pains (?) and was pretty okay by the time I decided to go to sleep.

This morning I got up, showered and walked down to the walk-in medical clinic. Even though I am feeling fine today that kind of episode is not something you want to ignore and hope it goes away.

Anxiety is a bitch though, I nearly talked myself out of going to the clinic on the grounds of "they might think I'm lying or that I'm wasting their time". WHY WOULD THEY THINK THAT? Half the reason I don't want to do things like go to the doctor or the dentist or do my taxes is because "they will be mad at me and think I'm lying", it's so weird. But in the end I remembered how much it hurt and thought of how stupid I'd feel if it's something that could be caught early but I was too worried about what the doctor would think of me.

So yeah I went into the clinic, waited 45 minutes beside coughing moms, quiet old ladies and bored kids singing really annoying songs and punching each other, and then I was called in.

Of course I had nothing to worry about, the office workers were very nice and the doctor was this big old jolly man with a British accent. Nobody said I was lying even once! (haha) He asked me where I was hurting and I said I wasn't anymore but thought I should come in. He asked me to show him where I was having pains and I said mostly at my sternum and below my right shoulder blade, but basically all around.

He immediately knew it was my gall bladder. He felt around, checked me for a fever and asked a few questions and that was it. He said he'd schedule me for an ultrasound to see if I have gall stones, and I'd hear from them soon with my appointment.

There's something so relieving in the confidence a doctor has in a diagnosis when you were feeling like it's a huge confusing mess of symptoms and organs and feelings and vague locations.

Anyway for now I have to "avoid fatty and spicy foods" which is a really fucking general command. So I've been doing a lot of looking into things and have compiled a list of can and can't eats for my next grocery trip.

Here are some can'ts I'm super bummed about:
  • almost all dairy, butter, eggs
  • anything with refined flour or sugar
  • anything with trans, hydrogenated or saturated fats in it
  • chocolate
  • anything spicy
  • anything with over 10% fat in it

I mean, luckily for me I'm vegetarian and enjoy healthy food so it's not like it's gonna be torture for me to not have pizza and Big Macs every night, but even so I'm like ... oh noooo, my chips and pizza :( Ryan on the other hand is glad I won't be eating all the cheese in the house.

So uh, yeah. That's all I know for now.

I'm not worried about anything, the gall bladder isn't an essential organ and even though I'm kind of scared to eat anything I know I can manage the pain and it's not a heart attack so I don't have to be afraid. Just annoyed. And inconvenienced. And hungry. >:(

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