I don't like text-only posts. My camera is still broken :( so this is an old photo of me. I do mention this hoodie in this post though.
Things are supposedly "normal" according to all the tests I've had over the past few weeks. My blood tests said I'm ok. My ultrasound said I'm ok. The nuclear scan said I'm ok.
But guess what.
I am NOT ok.
I was crying quietly in the doctor's office waiting room two days ago. I had just worked a four hour shift at the bookstore and felt like I was about to vomit the entire time. I kept myself high as possible on T3s while at work so I didn't feel the burning gnawing throbbing and mysterious pain in my "RUQ" (right upper quadrant, see, I'm learning the terminology now!) but I let them wear off so I could accurately describe what was going on when I saw the doctor.
Sometimes I am almost normal, sometimes for hours I don't notice it. And then it comes back. I don't really consider myself a wimpy person when it comes to pain. I'm not somebody who goes to the doctor whenever I feel sick, I try and take care of myself the best I know how before "bothering" someone else. But this feeling is weird and bad. It just feels ... wrong.
Something in there is angry. (lol)
So back to Thursday, tears ran down my face and I tried to sniffle quietly in the waiting room. I didn't want to scare the kids sitting across from me, but in fact they didn't notice me at all, they were too busy trying to get their mom to let them use her iPhone. It really freaks me out seeing small children act like electronics are their next hit of heroin, you see it more and more. They literally act like it's a physical addiction.
My hood was up and I was wiping my face with the sleeves of my sweater, willing myself to hold it together and try and remember all the talking points I had written down so I wouldn't have to unfold the looseleaf sheet of paper in front of the doctor and read him my questions. I was embarrassed, even through the pain. An old lady was staring at me, but she looked angry, not sympathetic. Fuck off lady.
Everybody, literally everybody in that waiting room, about eight people, got called in before I did. So by the time it was my turn I had cooled down enough to get my point across.
Basically I was like "hey, I still feel really shitty and it's kind of getting worse and I don't know what to do and it's not because I'm eating fatty food and it's waking me up at night and all my tests are normal but I'm not okay and ... " and then came the waterworks again. Damnit. I hate that that's what my body does to express frustration.
So he felt all around in the places that should be hurting if it were my gall bladder or my appendix or my pancreas and there was nothing except in the one same spot it was hurting before. He asked if I felt nauseated and I said, and I quote, "Yes I want to barf right now actually."
What a classy lady.
He looked at my blood test results and said that other than being slightly anemic and having low blood sugar I was fine, my white blood cell count was normal and my pancreas was working normally (good news and better news) ... but what the fuck is wrong with me then?
"It could be ulcers in your stomach, maybe." So I got a prescription for something that helps heal gastric ulcers. "Come see me in two weeks and we will see if it's working." Yeah. Okay I guess. Oh I also got a trillion more pain killers. You should see the bottle, it's huge!
I also cried in the pharmacy when they told me the price of the drugs I had to get, I had just had enough with it all at that point and I was still feeling the horrible pain of that last attack in the doctor's office waiting room. But the ladies there were so sweet, they actually called the doctor and asked if they could put me on a much less expensive version in the same drug family and he said yes. My heroes. They literally saved me about fifty bucks with that phone call.
When I got home I did a bunch of googling and found that if you have an ulcer that is bleeding it can cause anemia. Also it can feel like you've had a heart attack (which I did initially). They are not caused by spicy food or acidic food, but a common cause of ulcers is taking non-prescription drugs like ibuprofin too much. (Which I was doing all winter because of my stupid plantar fasciitis in my feet, like almost every day. The rain makes them ache like arthritis. And yes I'm 80 years old.)
I have to wrap this post up, like right now because I just realized I have to leave for work in five minutes and I'm still in my jammies and glasses, but I just wrote this out so it's out there. It's good to keep a record of what the heck is going on. Plus my dad reads this so he can keep up to date on my health I guess? Hi dad! :)
Thanks for reading about my guts again everybody. Bye.