Tuesday, 6 May 2014

striped shirt, CAT scan, etc

Me and my dahg. I went shopping today and in a classic case of retail therapy bought an entirely new summer wardrobe. This striped shirt included. You see, I have been having a really hard time finding something to wear while working at the bookstore. All I seem to have are tattoo shop t-shirts or satanic band shirts and every pair of pants I own are either NSFW leggings or have a hole in the crotch except one single pair of jeans which I know are going to give way any day now.

The joy of big thighs, everybody. Your pants never fail to split at the seam (or just above it). So I went to H&M and got some trousers, grey and brown and more comfortable than anything else I own. I also got a couple t-shirts that I can wear anywhere without offending anybody, which is nice. I'm a lady, after all. I also bought a goofy pair of leggings with happy faces on the knees, but that's just because I wanted another pair of house-pants.

So today I'm happy/nervous. Tomorrow is my CAT scan. I know the actual scan is going to be easy (other than the fact that it's at 7:45 in the morning, wtf?) but I'm so afraid it's going to tell me something terrible, like that I have an inoperable tumor or my lungs are failing or something else  un-fixable. I made the mistake of googling my symptoms again (because now some of my lymph nodes are feeling tender in my left breast as well, new symptoms = new round of googling) and of course the one percent chance of cancer is all I can focus on.

It's most likely pancreatitis or something to do with my gall bladder (which I will SO happily have removed in a heartbeat) but ... you know. I'm sitting up at night wondering what if it's not? So I don't know guys, if I've been a bitch to you lately or seemed distant or foggy it's probably the drugs I'm taking but it could also just be that my/your/everybody's inevitable mortality has been on my mind more than usual lately.

Trying to keep optimistic.


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