Monday, 23 June 2014

bus transcription - old man, fratbro and birthday boy drink beers and make every woman uncomfortable

Back story: From what I understand, these guys didn't really know each other at all. When I got on the bus a very drunk older man got on and sat behind me and kept making vomiting noises. I'm still not 100% sure he didn't barf back there. A few stops later two wasted fratbro dudes got on, one shirtless and wearing Mardi Gras beads, and cracked some beers. (This was all upstairs on a double decker bus, where you can apparently do whatever you want.) The old man asked if he could have one and they were all instant friends.

I started making little videos of their conversation because they were being so obnoxious I couldn't  hear my podcast anymore, so I had nothing better to do. Plus they were making me feel really uncomfortable and dread my "turn" getting off the bus so it was a sort of revenge against them. Like, hey at least I have proof of this for my blog.

Listen along here!

VIDEO 1 (00:00 -  00:29)

Old guy: (laughs creepily)

Birthday boy: It's my birthday.

Fratbro: Oh really?

Old guy: Happy birthday brother.

Fratbro: Happy birthday bro.

Birthday boy: That's why I'm wearing all these fuckin' fancy (indistinguishable).

Old guy: (indistinguishable) fuckin' eighteen years old? You're lookin' good boy.

Birthday boy: I'm twenty five.

Old guy: (laughs)

Fratbro: (laughs)

Birthday boy: Everybody's been doing that to me this year, it makes me feel old eh? They're all like what are ya, fifteen?

Fratbro: (laughs)

Birthday boy: No dude I'm twenty fucking six.

Old guy: Eh you know I fuckin' I don't want to hear that.

Birthday boy: Yeah yeah.

Fratbro: Hey at least you don't look twenty six.

Old guy: I don't want to hear that. Fuck I wish I was fuckin' that age man.

Fratbro: (laughs)

Birthday boy: (indistinguishable)

VIDEO 2 (00:29 - 00:48)

Birthday boy: I was just at the peeler bar and uh, there was this hot chick and I was like are you a server or a stripper?

Old guy: Oh

Birthday boy: And she was like I'm a stripper.

Fratbro: (laughs)

Birthday boy: And I was like oh, when are you off?

Fratbro: (laughs)

Birthday boy: And she was like forty minutes, I'm like fuck

Old guy: When are you on? I'm on right now!

Birthday boy: It's too long, I can not wait.

VIDEO 3 (00:49 - 3:34)

Birthday boy: What do you ... got a girlfriend?

Fratbro: Two and a bit years.

Birthday boy: That's wow

Fratbro: She's a keeper though. Hot as fuck, really nice.

Birthday boy: Sweet.

Fratboy: Makes me food without I don't even have to ask. Does everything for me and I don't have to ask.

Birthday boy: That's awesome eh. The best is when you don't have to appreciate it either.

Old guy: Yeah (laughs) Mine mine mine (indistinguishable) jam it down your throat. She's Philipeno eh.

Fratbro: Oh nice.

Old guy: Did you eat? Did you do this? Did you do that? Fuckin are your clothes ready? Your clothes are they ironed? Holy fuck (indistinguishable)

Fratbro: (laughs)

Birthday boy: Sweet.

Old guy: Calm down, take a breath.

Birthday boy: Fuck no speaka English.

Fratbro: (laughs)

Old guy: Fuck they do way too much man.

Birthday boy: I w- that would be a fucking good relationship eh, if you couldn't communicate?

Old guy: Oh yeah.

Fratbro: That'd be (indistinguishable) (laughs)

Birthday boy: Just making signs and shit.

Old guy: The filipeno they all speak it, every one of em. That's what (indistinguishable)

Fratbro: Oh. Oh.

Old guy: That's the language they learn eh.

Birthday boy: I've never gotten on a bus without a shirt on and have the guy actually look and go 'alright'.

Fratbro: Yeah no doubt actually.

Birthday boy: You got a bunch of party chains and shit on but you're in.

Fratbro: (laughs)

(Pretty girl gets up and walks down the bus aisle toward the door.)

Fratbro: Holy smokes!

Birthday boy: Not bad, eh? Yeah the curves on that.

Old guy: (wolf whistles) Dang. (indistinguishable)

Fratbro: Fuck that was an hourglass if I've ever seen ... holy fuck.

Old guy: Yeah yeah yeah yeah that's why I like this side of the bus. (Referring to the fact that he can see the people getting off the bus out the window.)

Fratbro: Hey (laughs) fuck you!

Birthday boy: Yeah.

Old guy: I always like this side of the bus.

Fratbro: (To the Birthday boy) Move over, move over there.

Birthday boy: I'm gonna be eyeballing the shit out of that.

Old guy: I- yeah.

Birthday boy: I don't wanna get up, man.

Old guy: When they get off i-in the summer you can see everything.

Fratbro: Check it out.

Old man: I gotta get an eyeball on that, lookit.

Fratbro: No but this ain't the bus stop.

Old man: No

Fratbro: No it's right there.

Old man: No you need to find a different seat though (indistinguishable)

Birthday boy: No I'll get a look no worries.

Old man: Oh no we gotta look.

Fratbro: (laughs)

Old guy: You already got that (indistinguishable) buddy.

Birthday boy: Right?

Old guy: Now here it comes.

Fratbro: No man you're gonna make her uncomfortable.

Old man: No, sit down, calm down. We got it covered.

Fratbro: (indistinguishable) what's up?

Old man: Hey nice bum where ya from? Oh damn!

Fratbro: Dude she's too young.

Old man: Yeah, she is.

Fratbro: (indistinguishable)

Birthday boy and old man in unison: I know.

Birthday boy: Fuck that, fuck hey? (indistinguishable) bus! Fuck!

Old man: She- she knows what (indistinguishable)hot. That's part of what

Birthday boy: That was cash money.

Old man: About sixteen, seventeen?

Fratbro: I think she was east indian too you know? You don't see many broads like that.

Old man: Yeah.

Birthday boy: Yeah she had something in her for sure.

Old man: I have something in her.

Fratbro: Yeah just the tip though.

Old man: (laughs) (indistinguishable) I always say to 'em did you ever have any (video skips) you want some?

Fratbro: (laughs)

VIDEO 4 (3:35 - end)

(off camera a blonde girl gets off the bus)

Fratbro: (tries to wolf whistle)

Old man: YI YI YI

Birthday boy: (also whistling)

Fratbro: She was really hot.

Old man: Holy fuck. Get 'em. (indistinguishable)

Fratbro: Well that ain't normal. (indistinguishable)

Old man: Jesus Christ well (indistinguishable) Holy fuck that's healthy ey? Fuck me.

Fratbro: Nice tits ey?

Old man: Oh that's healthy.


This was just a couple times that I hit record in time to catch the gross parts of their conversation but seriously, after half an hour of this I was angry. And very very uncomfortable. It was one of those "should I say something?" moments.

I didn't, but only because I knew from past experiences exactly how it would go down. It would be a silent bus, me saying something and three drunk idiots ganging up on me. I know the way the bus works, you don't get involved in any conflict. Just sit, avoid eye contact with the crazies and hope they go away soon.

I went downstairs three stops before mine in an effort to thwart them trying to look down my top out the window, first turning up this song (the best bus drowning out song ever) at full blast so I couldn't hear what they said about my ass or whatever. My hands were shaky and my heart was racing as I went down the stairs. I remember hoping that my tattooed legs would distract them from making sexual comments about my body.

The only thing I could think to do was tell the bus driver. I said "hey, there are some guys upstairs drinking beers and being very rude." The driver, a pretty young dude, sighed and looked at his security camera screen. I said "yeah it's the three in the back, they're making everybody uncomfortable". And he said "Oh." and nothing more.

O...kay. I guess that's that.

I don't really fault him for not doing me, he didn't want to confront three drunk dudes. He was just trying to get through a work day ... and his job can not be easy.

It really makes me angry that nobody said anything. Those three men just got to go on with their shitty day being drunk and disgusting human beings. The thing that bothers me the most about this entire thing is that they didn't know each other,  but in five seconds they bonded over their common love of beers and misogyny.

"Oh, we have this terrible thing in common! Great!"

It just goes to show how far we have yet to come. You know, in feminism or whatever.


I don't know, would you have done anything differently in my shoes? I know some of you are braver than I am. 

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