Monday, 14 July 2014

bus transcription - 9am drunk guys

At 9am on my way to work on Saturday morning a couple 20-something guys got on the bus and were ... well, really drunk. I guess they were on their way home from a crazy night of partying. I took a few little snippets of their ridiculous drunken banter but missed recording a couple key sentences that make some of the dialogue make more sense.

The first thing, one of the guys had two towels draped over his shoulder that he didn't remember bringing to the lake. He also had a gigantic nalgene water bottle full of beer in his hands. He was embarrassed for some reason because he tucked his shirt into his shorts, which makes one comment I recorded make a lot more sense, and a lot more hilarious. (In his drunken state he says he has his shorts tucked into his pants. I almost LOL'd when I heard him say that.) Ah, drunk talk.

The second guy, Tyler, was wearing a bucket hat and he didn't know where it came from but he was rather ashamed to be seen in public with it on. Although...not ashamed enough to take it off?

For the most part they were actually pretty funny, although one guy drifted into racist slurs a couple times and they both were being so loud I couldn't hear the good episode of the Nerdist podcast that I was trying to listen to.

It's better to listen to this one, I think, thank just read it because they ... don't really say anything. But it's funny to hear them slurring and laughing like idiots.

I know the one guy's name was Tyler because the other guy kept saying it, but I'm just going to name the second guy Chad. He seems like a Chad I guess.

Anyway, I give you my transcription of ...


Two drunk guys at nine in the morning on the bus.


listen along here:

 (language is absolutely NSFW and NSFkids)



 ---

(drunken laughing)

Tyler: I think you're set. I think you're good to go.

Chad: For what dude, you have my fucking jacket.

Tyler: Because you...

Chad: Holy shit.

Tyler: ...can you hold on to this for me?

Chad: What are you gonna do when I go fuck fuck you.

Tyler: (indistinguishable)

Chad: Thanks dude. Great plan. Fuck you. Wanna play games? Hey uh I got something for you.

Tyler: Hey yo be quiet

Chad: (indistinguishable) nigger.

Tyler: What...no need to be racist.

Chad: Wigger. Wigger. Wi-gger. (indistinguishable)

(laughing)

Chad: Sexy mama hey man? (indistinguishable) Jesse. I ... fuck. I don't know how we made it here in the first place dude, holy shit.

Tyler: All I'm sayin' is at least we (indistinguishable) got out of the car.

Chad: Yeah 

(indistinguishable)

Tyler: Next thing we know we'd be in fuckin' (indistinguishable)

Chad: What the fuck am I gonna do with myself in Cowichan when I can't even take care of myself here. 

Tyler: (indistinguishable) I'm gonna go home and (indistinguishable)

Chad: I already signed into his facebook and I keep getting all these stupid messages. Should we read em?

Tyler: Okay.

Chad: Oh Miller messaged him. Should we fuck with Kevin? (laughs)

Tyler: What else you got?

Chad: Kayla. And uh...Drew.

Tyler: Drew, I (indistinguishable)

Chad: True.


VIDEO 2 (Starts at 2:08)

Chad drops his phone and I pick it up and hand it back to him. Tyler tells him to say thank you to me. I start recording again.


Chad: I think I did.

Tyler: You should have. 

Chad: Fuck you.

Tyler: Fuck you.

Chad: Are you gonna walk me home or not? (laughs)

Tyler: Yeah right. Walk you down (indistinguishable)

(video skips)

Chad: Just cigarettes.

Tyler: We should have stayed in the fucking car. 

Chad: I gave you my fucking beer. Now what? 

Tyler: Fuck you I (indistinguishable)

Chad: Alright.

Tyler: You didn't even give me any money for that. 

Chad: Hey if I go in my car you nigger.

Tyler: Why do you keep saying that? (indistinguishable)

Chad: He haaaaa! Yeah well you don't know. (indistinguishable) you know you're in (indistinguishable) So are you gonna walk me home or not?

(ding)

Tyler: I guess not. 

Chad: Dude! It's not a date! Unless y- unless you take care of me. What? Fuck you bitch. Fuck you with your clock. Mother fourt- (laughs)

(laughter)

Chad: You're walking me home. (laughs) I swear to god. 

Tyler: Yeah right.

Chad: I will beat your ass.

Tyler: No for real I'm walking this w...

Chad: Fuck you I'll walk you home.

Tyler: Perfect, thank you. 

Chad: Hey come with me then.

Tyler: No.

Chad: I'm gonna fuckin' beat you up. I'm gonna be lonely as fuck downtown dude.

Tyler: I'll wait for you -

Chad: No!

Tyler: -to get off your bus actually.

Chad: Will you?

Tyler: Yeah.

Chad: That's actually pretty fantastic of yourself.

Tyler: I know.

Chad: Outdid yourself now, fatty.

Tyler: Nevermind. (laughs)

Chad: I was kidding dude. It was a joke.

Tyler: You just got cut hardcore.

Chad: Tyler!

Tyler: No.

Chad: Tyler I don't know my way downtown, don't do it.

Tyler: That sucks.

Chad: Fuck you. You know what? No. You and your fucking bucket hat. (laughs)

Bus shuts off. 

Tyler: Why the fuck is the bus stopped?

Chad: Oh I'm pretty nervous, I think he's gonna tell me to get off. 

Tyler: It's a huge problem man.

Bus Driver: You're gonna have to leave the bus if you keep (indistinguishable) language.

Chad: Okay sorry r-

Bus Driver: I can hear it all the way up here so.

Chad: Very sorry.

Bus Driver: (indistinguishable)

Tyler: Okay.

Chad: Told you.

Bus starts up. 

(laughing)

(ding)


VIDEO 3 (starts at 4:51)

Chad: Holy shit. I got beer.

Tyler: Can I have a sip of your beer? 

Chad: No!

Tyler: You had a fuckin (indistinguishable)

Chad: Fuck you! (laughing)

Tyler: She's no fu-

Chad: She's not even pregnant. No she is, never mind. There's more than her. I mean what? Uh

Tyler: Nice, nice comment.

Chad: What! Fuck you dude, she's not even pregnant! (indistinguishable) stop! (laughing) (indistinguishable) with that fucking hat! I feel like an idiot.

Tyler: yeah. 

Chad: I have shorts tucked into my pants. (laughing)

Tyler: Let's just stop this conversation right now.

Chad: Alright, if you're smart enough.

Tyler: (indistinguishable) Oh shit. (indistinguishable)

Chad: So you know my life? 

Tyler: Pretty much.

Chad: Thanks. Dick. Wow. 

Tyler: Fuck that.

Chad: Wow! Tyler! Fuck you dude.

Tyler: I tried man.

Chad: (indistinguishable) it's none of your duty (indistinguishable) fuckin' leave me on the bus. 

Tyler: (indistinguishable)

Chad: No, no don't worry about me! Don't worry, get off! 

Tyler: Yeah 

Chad: Thanks. Do your fucking (indistinguishable)  all day.

Tyler: You're pretty close, the next two stops.

Chad: Go!

Tyler: Two more stops.

Chad: Go!

Tyler: Fuck you.

Chad: Fuck you you mean. I (indistinguishable) fuckin' stop at all. Y- I- I'm gonna look like an idiot.

Tyler: You fuckin' guy.

Chad: Yeah, have fun not carrying anything.

(indistinguishable) 

Chad: Yeah. Bye.Tyler.

Tyler: Bye. (laughs)

Chad: Bye.

Tyler: Fuck you.

Chad: Yeah it's funny for you, fuck you

Tyler: Fuck you

Chad: I couldn't do stuff

Tyler: (indistinguishable)

Chad: It's funny for you apparently. I don't even know what I'm doing and you're like ha ha ha ha ... ha look at all this dumb dumb

Tyler: Yeah that's the story

Chad: Yeah

Tyler: Yeah

Chad: Whatever you don't have to deal with all the shit I gotta deal with.

Tyler: What do you mean? What are you talking about?

Chad: You're welcome for bringing you a towel to uh, the lake. Yeah, you're welcome because that's what I brought it for. Is myself.

Tyler: Yes. Is this really my fault now?

Chad: Yeah. Dude. 

Tyler: Fuck that.

Chad: Officer!

Tyler: Fuckin' guy.

(ding)

Chad: Yeah uh, that's my stop.

Tyler: You fuckin' guy.

Chad: You can get off at the one after. Seriously!

Tyler: Sorry I'm gonna go to a resta- reastaurant.

Chad: It's probably closer to your house. Dick. Wanna buy me some fuckin' eggs while you're at it?

(laughing)

Tyler: You got some (indistinguishable)

Chad: Yeah. Me.

Tyler: (laughing) Ah fuck.

Chad: I'm gonna get, I'll run across the road. If I get hit it's your fault. I swear to god.

Tyler: I hope you sue me.

Chad: I'll...I'm gonna thr...I'm gonna throw the towel in the air and be like "that dick".

Tyler: Yeah go hurt yourself and sue me for it.

Chad: Sue fat Dave over there.

Tyler: (laughing) He's across the street. Look at him! (to a lady on the bus) Sorry if we bothered you on your uh, way to work or uh whatever. That's - 

Chad: He doesn't have a job. So.

Tyler: I don't need a job. I just came back from working hard in Alberta. It's unnecessary right now. 

Chad: (drinks out of his water bottle) I forgot that was beer! (laughing) I thought that was water! Hey I'm actually very sorry. Seriously

Tyler: Uh actually not. He's just trying to suck up to you. 

Chad: Usually I'd be drinking

Tyler: ...hard

Chad: No usually I'd be drinking coffee or tea but uh, I got this dickface beside me so

Tyler: Don't listen to this fucking retard please, he's been drinking (indistinguishable) and I'm getting (indistinguishable)

Chad: Yeah okay. I ruined one day.

Tyler: I honestly don't know what day it is.

Chad: Real great time at the lake, eh? That was fantastic. 

(Getting off the bus)

Chad: Cheers man.

Tyler: Thanks BC transit!!

Chad: Let's go!






No comments:

Post a Comment