Sunday, 7 December 2014

Scrooge McNova



 I'm bitchier than I look. If that's possible.


Me: waiting at the bus stop, sans headphones for once (big mistake), staring straight ahead trying to ignore a really fucked up crackhead wearing a cape and screaming at his boombox that's blasting Neil Young, also a gaggle of merry-prankster wannabes dressed up as Santa shouting HO HO HO and passing out candy canes to us squares going about what they see as our drudgery of a life on the sidewalk.

A young guy in his early 20s probably, wearing what looked like yesterday's dirty black jeans and a crusty shirt he picked up off his bedroom floor, with gross gunk at the sides of his mouth walks up to me.

Me: (continues staring straight ahead as he stands way too close, looking at me)
Crusty mouth: Can I tell you something?
Me: No. (turns away)
Crusty mouth: (steps back into my field of vision) No I just want to tell you one thing. Maybe two things.
Me: No thanks.
Crusty mouth: I'm just gonna tell you one thing. You... you are rockin'.
Me: (continues staring straight ahead, no reaction)
Crusty mouth: (steps closer) Have you heard that before?
Me: I don't want to talk to you.
Crusty mouth: What! That's so closed-minded of you.
Me: Stop talking to me.
Crusty mouth: (steps even closer) You're being really closed minded, you know that?
Me: Go away.
Crusty mouth: You're being so closed minded, I just want to...
Me: (I gave him my stern mom look and raised my voice at this point.) I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU, PLEASE STOP TALKING TO ME
Crusty mouth: I ...
Me: NO, GO AWAY
Crusty mouth: Come on, stop being so closed minded, I just want to talk.
Me: I AM NOT INTERESTED, PLEASE GO AWAY. 

And then I guess he finally heard me, and walked away a bit, to a couple older ladies. I heard him tell them he loves them. Yeah. I'm not interested in your second-day ecstasy binge epiphanies, kid. When I say don't talk to me, I mean it.

I think it's funny what a curmudgeon I've become, hating on the Santa-con people and the weird crackheads but sometimes I'm just over it.

It's not cute to interrupt people's days when they're not feeling it. Maybe it's your Saturday after taking exams and you've got a worry-free Christmas break before the next semester of parent-funded college begins. Maybe you don't have mental health issues that force you to take drugs that make you unable to drink alcohol, maybe you don't have social anxiety and don't understand that when strangers talk to some people it throws them off for the rest of the day and they feel like they're going to have a heart attack later on that evening.

But some people have these things. It's pretty self-centered to cause a spectacle where spectacles are clearly unwanted.

Keep that in mind, children. We are not interested in your whimsy and your drug-based mindsets.



Yours truly,

Scrooge McNova


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