Thursday, 15 January 2015

some free writing

Well hey there kids, how's the week been? Mine? It's DRAGGING on. Yesterday (Wednesday) felt like it was 45 hours long, and today I could hardly get out of bed. I don't know what it is. Everybody around me is sick, so that could be it, maybe I'm fighting off this cold and it's warping my sense of time and space.

I've also been struggling with a depression, it's not on me but I can feel it lurking around a corner. I keep telling it to go away but it's just waiting to get me. NO, GO AWAY.

A lot of people in my life are going through some shit. A good friend's dad passed away last week and even though we knew it was coming it's still a fucking tragedy. He was such a sweet man. I only met him a few times, but he read my blog and the last time I saw him he gave me a pen and notebook so I would continue writing.

I mean... come on. How amazing is that?

A woman at my work died last week as well. I didn't know her but she worked at the bookstore for years, so a lot of people around me did. My aunt's mom died last week too, and she has been posting about it on Facebook. My cousin has been posting photos of my uncle, who is in the hospital and probably won't make it out.

It's a lot to happen all in one week.

Not that ... I hate to sound like it's all about me here, because all those people are having the literal worst time of their lives and I'm only on the sidelines, you know? But since this is my blog, my public therapy session, it is all about me. And it makes my chest tight if I think about these people. And death. Oh death.

I saw a dead rat or maybe a squirrel yesterday and the thoughts that came into my head were so goddamn disturbing I had to tell Ryan about them, but then he was disturbed as well. I believe his words were "Jesus Christ, that's horrible". I said "yes but you are my in-house therapist so you have to listen to me".

I know everybody has intrusive thoughts, weird thoughts, whatever, but sometimes I kind of wonder if I have more than other people. How could you ever know though?

So yeah.

There's a look into my week.

Not so upbeat, is it? Sorry.

I drew a bunny last night after work, that's a positive.

The flowers got a little muddy because I used a new black pen to outline everything and apparently it needs some time to set before you color over it. Woopsie.

so uh, how are you?

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