I am mostly posting this because my selfie game has been on point lately on instagram and I don't want any of you to miss out on all that is my face. I'm not wearing a witch hat in that top right photo just in case you thought I was.
I talked with Ryan last night about my bad feelings and dark thoughts and felt a million percent better about it. Just saying these things out loud to someone who cares is important it turns out. I might go see my doctor about changing my antidepressants or the dosage maybe? I'm going to wait a bit and see how I feel...like I posted about before, it's been kind of a bad couple weeks, the weather has been super grey and I've been working a lot so it could also just be the combination of those factors.
Either way, I'm glad I have the clarity to be able to tell when something's not right, and enough knowledge on the subject from having done my research to know the basic WHY of it all. I can't imagine feeling this way and not understanding it's your brain chemistry being off, it's not your fault! It's not real.
It's literally all in your head.
Anyway other than all that life's been pretty ok. I decided to take my Simpsons game up a notch and drew this out on watercolor paper. So yeah, I'll most likely wreck it but I'm going to try painting it.
I feel like I have a pretty good perspective on my "art" lately. I'm still putting the word art in quotations so I'm not quite there yet, but I'm willing to admit out loud that it exists now, (albeit only to certain people) so that's a step in the right direction.
I don't care if I wreck this picture either. I know that I'm just learning and I'm going to do my best but I have a long way to go before I'm good at it. But that's okay! I REALLY enjoy the process of learning, and the making of the things. I have almost an entire book of drawings and stuff I've done, and am proud of, but I don't care about the finished product that much. I could give them all away in a heartbeat and not care because I can just make more things. And probably better.
I think that's a good place to be when you're learning. You can't be too precious about every little thing. You have to think of it all as a continuing process.
That Ira Glass quote is one of my all-time favorite things:
I'm gonna fight my way through being shitty at painting and get better! YUSS.
You know how the trend right now among bloggers is to come up with a mantra rather than resolutions for their New Year? I was thinking about what mine would be, and a single word popped into my head:
And I think that's a good one. I'm going to work, get better, stronger and earn it this year.