Thursday, 26 February 2015

internet weirdos - The chronicles of Sadie's stinky sneezes

On April 29 2011, I wrote a blog post about how sometimes my sneezes smell like honey. It's true, and it's totally weird when it happens. It's been a while, actually. Maybe I'm over it, whatever "it" was.

Every once in a while I will get a notification from Disqus that another person has commented on that post. It's kind of cool because it's always somebody going "I thought I was crazy, I have this too".

Like this one from Saturday:

But recently a woman has been totally spamming/trolling me with the weirdest emails and comments. So I thought I'd share them with you. You may have seen the most recent one on my instagram yesterday:

Is it a tad immoral to give out her email to the entire world? Well what's going to happen, she'll get weird emails from a stranger? Good!

I'm not mad but what the fuck lady? These emails are just...what?  Why? And they're spaced out, I get one every few days, whatever the point of this is, it's a long con situation.

Here are the rest in the order in which I received them. Oh my god I just laughed out loud re-reading them. It reads like the opening credits of Monty Python's Holy Grail with the Moose thing.

The first one is a comment on the blog post, and the rest were sent to my email.

"My sneezes only stink if they come out as a spray. They smell like cinnamon or honey. The smell also lingers. It's really embarrassing when my friends tell me that my sneeze stinks."

 "My old foster mother Shelly was one of the first people that I noticed had stink sneezes. But hers was really stink."

"Hello my name is Sadie. I just ran into your blog about stinky sneezes. I can say that I have stinky sneezes. I noticed that it happens when I sneeze and it comes out as a spray! No spray no stink. Spray sneezes usually occur in areas where there is air conditioners. Like in buildings or cars. My friends and my girlfriend notices the stink too. It smells like cinnamon or honey. I know this is weird but I don't mind the stink. Sometimes it smells nice and sweet even when it has a stink to it. My daughter has stinky sneezes as well as my girlfriend. The only thing that bothers me is when I sneeze into my shirt sometimes the smell goes right back into my face really strong!"

"My foster mom had some really stink sneezes. When we were in her van she likes to turn the AC on so all of the windows are up. I would sneeze and sometimes she would. My sneezes would stink. But hers? They were so stink. It was so bad that when she sneezed, she sneezed on the steering wheel. All of the spray from her spit and sneeze had gotten on the steering wheel and dried up. Sometimes I had to drive and I could smell it. It got on my hands so my hands would stink. I wouldn't mind if she had sneezed on my face. I was used to her stinky sneezes."

"Then there was my aunts Leilani and Yolanda. Both of them knew that they had stink sneezes. They were the ones who sneezed on my face. They did that several times to put me to sleep. The stink knocked me out. They wanted me out so they could touch me! I was a good girl."

Got a little creepy there.

And then the one yesterday:

"My daughter has stinky sneezes." 

What will the tale of the stinky sneeze bring next time? Can't wait for her next email. I especially like the longer ones, they're so goddamn funny. I'll keep you updated.

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